Retrospection

My baby is graduating from high school and like most parents I have begun my retrospection about our experiences from pre-school through high school. Although I could ramble on about everything I’ve experienced with them through the years I’m going to confine it to the things I will (and won’t) miss about their participation in sports/athletics. Both of my children have been involved in athletics since they were five years of age. We have participated in city leagues, middle school and high school sports. (I say we because for our family, any activity our children participated in always included us even if it was just sitting waiting through practice. And if you are like most parents you are also chauffeur, fundraiser, cook, dishwasher, custodian…whatever needed to be done for your child to play.)

Through the years I have made mental notes of things that I will miss when my children graduate from high school and I no longer am relegated to the spectator stand. It goes without saying that I also made mental notes of those things I will not miss. About two years before graduation, I began carrying a small notebook and made written notations of these observations. What follows are excerpts from my notes.

These observations cover most organized athletics; including basketball, baseball, softball, tennis, soccer, football and cheerleading. Although my children did not play football, we have surely sat through enough games so it would be unfair to exclude them from this introspection. I have intentionally left out names of people and teams, and frequently left out the sport the event occurred in. Nothing is in chronological order. I have done this intentionally because without the names, chances are you will find my observations eerily familiar.

My point in recording these memories is twofold. First you may find my description familiar because it strikes too close to home. Secondly, for me it’s cathartic. I sat for years in the spectator seat trying my best to not rock the boat. Small town sports often breed small town paybacks…like taking it out on a young person with good enough grades to get a college scholarship. Petty as it may seem, it does happen when the coach is also the only teacher of the subject your child needs to graduate high school. I kid you not.

Mostly though, I had a great time watching my children play in organized sports. It helped develop them mentally, physically and socially. I also got to spend a lot of quality time with them and their friends…something many parents don’t take or get the opportunity to do. I also got to know some really wonderful parents.

So here we go

1. I miss those early years of city league when all parents cheered for all the youngsters--no matter how good or bad the play—no matter whose team they were on.
2. I won’t miss the father screaming in anger at the top of his lungs for his child to get in there and do the job right. The child was 6 years old when I first saw this father in action and he continued when the child was in high school.
3. I won’t miss the fans screaming from the bleachers to get in there and “Make ‘em hurt!”
4. I will miss watching a young lady in left field running for a ball which everyone knew she was too far away to get and just when we thought it was lost, she reached deep down inside and found that extra something to propel her that extra inch to catch the impossible. It made me catch my breath!
5. A big won’t miss is the coach who told the cheerleaders they couldn’t ride the school bus with the girl’s basketball team to their state tournament because he considered them bad luck…so they didn’t. They lost anyway.
6. I will not miss the bigoted fans who were ugly to a player because of the color of his/her skin.
7. The young player who gave up the fight for the ball. If you see enough games, after a while you can visibly see the moment a player gives up.
8. The coach who berates the child.
9. I will miss the squads whose members introduce themselves and welcome the opposing team to the school.
10. I won’t miss the coach who screams obscenities at a child in play or practice. I know it’s considered old fashioned and not realistic by today’s standards but wasn’t there a moral turpitude clause in teacher’s contracts to prevent them from this? I don’t recall ever hearing a teacher curse in front of a student in class in high school or college, much less at them.
11. I will miss the young man who threw a basket over half court and made it in the last second. Both sides stood up and cheered.
12. The coach who never figured out that a “good card player” knows it’s easier to win if you have been dealt a good hand. A “great card player” knows he can win with whatever he’s dealt.
13. The coach who took the time to explain to a child what they could have done differently to make the play even though they had made a mistake without berating the child.
14. The coach who feels he should win at all costs including the health of his players.
15. The obnoxious super fanatic who is screaming obscenities and obnoxious comments so loud that no one can hear the announcer’s comments who is using the loudspeaker. Unfortunately he was a city official and no one dared say anything to him. It was embarrassing for the school and to our city. I later saw this city official coaching a baseball game during a summer league baseball game where he was ejected from the game and told to leave the field because of his abusive mouth. The kids and parents were glad to see him go.
16. The football coach who told his school’s fans to shut up because he couldn’t hear. This was the only time I have ever heard anyone tell well behaved fans to shut up. I have heard coaches ask fans to shut up when they were unsportsmanlike; but never when they were well behaved but only loud. The team was winning before the coach’s “request” by several touchdowns and the game was more than half over. The fans obliged the coach and shut up. His/our team lost.
17. The classy basketball coach from a small school in rural Tennessee who didn't scream at his players but stood quietly on the sidelines giving silent signals. It was obvious his players respected him and looked to him for direction. No show stopping antics from the sideline, just class! Best game I ever saw played.
18. Most of all I will not miss a coach who only knows how to coach by destroying a young person and I’m not talking about tearing a player down to build them back up. I mean absolutely breaking a player and never looking back. The most tragic case I ever saw was one of the most gifted young players I had ever seen. He completely dropped out of all sports after his freshman year of high school. I asked this young man “Why” and his reply was, ”It was no longer fun. I love basketball and to constantly have a coach screaming at me, telling me how crappy (not the real word he used) I was took the fun out of the game.” He was right about the coach. I saw this repeated over and over through the years by this same coach. This young man was probably the only player who I thought could have made it on a collegiate or national level. He lost the opportunity and although one could blame the young man for his lack of dedication and discipline, I can’t help but wonder where he would be today had his experience been more positive.
19. On the flip side what I will miss most of all are the wonderful parents and coaches who did it right…who loved the kids and made the experience the very best they could. These individuals have my respect and admiration!

In spite of what you read here, I don’t believe sports are totally devoid of sportsmanship, but I am afraid we are getting closer to where a child’s game will look more like an episode of “Survivor” than two teams playing for the love of the game/sport or for their children. Parents are often the culprits here but that’s another issue for another time. If I were a young parent today I would have to question the value of any sport’s experience before subjecting my child to the game.

Lastly, I firmly believe organized sports offer our youth great opportunity for personal growth and is a great builder of self-esteem, character and team building…if done correctly However, any parent thinking of letting their child participate in any organized sport should show due diligence and stay on top of the situation. Never assume the coach will do a good job or have your child’s best interest at heart. You are your child’s best advocate and best protection as they reach and grow from organized play.

Miss watching the news??? Me, too!
September 2008

Miss watching the news lately? Me, too! I grew up watching the news a lot and I could pretty much depend on getting reports by networks who worked hard to be objective. That was the standard unless you were the “National Inquirer”. Over the past few years though I’ve noticed that “real” news is fast disappearing, especially with the major networks we could depend upon news to be “fair and balanced”. Instead what has evolved is news that is more akin to the “reality” genre of television than journalism. It’s vicious, ugly, demeaning and meant to degrade. They also take sides. It's evident that it's about ratings and hidden agendas…especially political agendas. I’m afraid taking in the news has been reduced to sitting in front of the boob tube and watching a pretty face without any intellectual substance. It’s no longer the news but downgraded to entertainment.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve never watched the news for entertainment. I watch the news for information and there was a time (not too far past) when journalists did a really, really good job…at their job. What I see now is making me nervous, even fearful.

News used to be objective. When you heard the news you couldn’t tell if the person (i.e. news affiliate) was for or against something or someone. Now the news has evolved into commentary, not the obvious kind of commentary like the journalists who openly admit and market themselves as commentators but just the regular evening news broadcasts who have gone the way of reality TV.

Think I’m wrong? Without telling you which candidate I’m referring to here are two captions that flew across my TV screen recently, sans the name of the presidential candidate and the network. Caption 1: “Candidate A is courting the Hispanic vote. Captain 2: ”Candidate B is pandering for the Hispanic vote.” Big deal you say? It’s just two little words. It is a big deal because I bet you can tell me who was Candidate A and who was Candidate B without me telling you…and I like the other guy I’m not voting for. Two little verbs are the only difference between the two statements and those two little words mean something entirely different, but don’t take my word for it…pull out your Funk and Wagnalls, Merriam-Webster or Oxford Dictionary.

To Court – to give conduct or attention intended to win favor or dispel hostility, i.e. Homage. (Merriam-Webster)

To Pander- to cater to or exploit the weaknesses of others, i.e. Pimp (Merriam-Webster)

What I do know is that we are coming close to losing the right to make informed decisions on our own. You may think I'm over-reacting, that the difference is small but the subtly of the two words is not as innocuous as it may seem. Sort of like seduction that reels you in a little at a time.

What worries me most is that we stand to lose one of our most precious rights, the right to freedom of speech. If the news becomes filtered by political agendas and ratings then are they really any different than the Taliban, al Qaeda or a communist regime. We may not shoot anyone who dares to disagree or lock them away but we are still not allowed to disagree because we are only being shown one side…the side the media wants us to see. There is a reason our forefathers fought for the right to voice their concerns and were willing to put their differences out there for everyone to examine. It was the only way to truly be free. Are we losing sight of that?

Thomas Jefferson, one of our country’s greatest proponents of free speech, fought hard for that right even though he would have to battle his own demons with the press while running for and serving in office. Hard as it was for him to abide the things said of him in newspapers, he wasn’t willing to subjugate the privilege of a free press for anyone, not even himself.

In an effort to stifle criticism against the administration the “Alien and Sedition Act of 1798” was enacted to prohibit the publication of "false, scandalous, and malicious writing or writings against the government of the United States, or either house of the Congress of the United States, or the President of the United States, with intent to defame . . . or to bring them . . . into contempt or disrepute; or to excite against them . . . hatred of the good people of the United States…"

There was a reason many of the original supporters of the “Alien and Sedition Act of 1798” never reinstated the act after it expired. Not only was it probably unconstitutional (it was never ruled on by the Supreme Court) but the framers of the constitution realized the right to free speech and a free press should cut both ways and not just for the political party in power. It is what keeps us at our best.

We need to hear all sides without prejudice and malice but to hear all sides it must be reported without prejudice and malice. I’m not seeing that. What I’m hearing are political endorsements.

Yeah! I really miss the watching the news!